Sexual Trauma and Addiction: Becoming an overcomer

Kimberly is an author, speaker, and Navy Veteran on fire for God and serving other women struggling with things she has overcome. And a graduate of the Recovery Speaker: Share Your Story Powerfully Course.

Kimberly has a story of an event happening while serving in the military that altered the course of future. After battling the experience, Kimberly turned to drugs and lived a very different life than she ever expected.

After conquering those demons and healing from traumas, it is Kimberly’s mission to spread a message of hope, healing, and GOD to those out their suffering where she has been. Come join this healing conversation!

To learn more about Recovered On Purpose, to get your free copy of Adam’s book, see the merch shop, or book a free call with Adam, visit: https://RecoveredOnPurpose.com

Read The Transcript Below

what’s up recovered on purpose family I’m so happy you’re here for this week’s episode of guest Saturdays right here on the recovered on purpose show I’m super excited to introduce you to my good friend Kimberly Clark today and guys you’re gonna love this story enjoy the show and keep living recovered on purpose the black represents the darkness from which we came the white represents the light in which we now live and the red represents the passion it takes to live recovered on purpose

what’s up family so happy you’re here happy Saturday happy Saturday guys today we have a really really amazing Story coming on Kimberly Clark is a Navy veteran who is a survivor of military sexual trauma after being medically discharged and diagnosed with PTSD Kimberly struggled with severe drug addiction and alcoholism for the next 10 years after finding recovery Kimberly went on to become a peer support specialist published her book stuck between pleasure and pleasing God and is the Louisiana state leader of a national nonprofit organization raising awareness of Veteran suicide love you guys and Kimberly welcome to the show what’s up good to see you good to see you hey good morning good morning good to be here yeah we’re gonna hop in the comments say what’s up to everybody guys let us know where you’re coming in from clean and sober dates we love to celebrate here on the recovered on purpose show Carolyn what’s up Carolyn good to see you good morning good morning from Australia from Australia I know we’re at least right now with the viewers we have now we’ve got the United States we’ve got Australia and we’ve got me coming in from Beijing Columbia awesome let’s go what’s up Amy good morning Monday I will hit 60 days sober 60 days on Mondays celebration life let’s go let’s go amazing 60 days is awesome that’s a huge accomplishment Amy keep going whenever you’re doing that’s getting you those 60 days keep doing it keep doing it heroin coming in from Michigan Amy coming in from Illinois July 19th sobriety date morning good morning yes amen amen so guys Kimberly and I have uh have built a connection built a relationship over what the last like three months about yes yes not very much yeah yeah and she she’s done the uh the recovery speaker course and this is one of the last things you do is an interview Sharon sharing your story you know getting it out there and uh really excited to introduce everybody to you so we got Jessica coming in from Indiana we got Jamie saying good morning good morning Jamie good morning good morning so Kimberly um first off why did you why did you decide to hop in the recovery speaker course what was it about um the course or what you want to do with your life that made you decide to do it well um when I published my book um on June 9th this year God started God put me in the direction of doing motivational speaking and I knew that I wanted to structure my story um like to fit the audience that I’m speaking to because I want to have you know more than just one message I want to be able to tell you know not just tell my story just one way right and I wanted I wanted I need it to be be able to do that and I saw recovery speakers that’s how I add like literally while I was after I asked God to send I need a mentor like all right Lord I have this book I have you know all these different things going on but I don’t have a mentor right I don’t have nobody that I can that I can get guidance from and then your face pops up that’s sponsor that and I’m like man all right Lord God answered that prayer quick and so yeah man I need it I needed to find a way to structure my story I I wanted to do it the right way I wanted to be professional to be legit and that’s exactly what I found in this program recovery speakers and then I love it and why is it that you want to share your story who is it that you want to impact why is it that you you feel the need to become the speaker man I who my story is filled with like a lot of different things right a lot of things for Veterans for women even for youth like to prevent them from going down the path that I went down and so man I want I want people to heal I want people to know how important it is to heal and to overcome their traumas to face it because I was so used to drinking and drugging instead of facing the things that was going on in my life and that kept me in active addiction for 10 years and so I want people to bypass that hey you ain’t got to stay out there that long or even if you have let’s come out right now right and so yeah that’s that’s that’s that’s my goal man to help people overcome and heal amen amen so tell us where kind of where where did this stuff start for you and you know share your story with us okay okay yeah man um well my my childhood it started with my childhood man I grew up um around my mom she was a single parent um my dad he wasn’t really around and so you know every time I did see my dad like he was barefoot and had a bottle of WL and he was drunk he was always drunk or drinking right and so he uh he actually died from cirrhosis of the liver I came back from the Navy and you know got introduced to crack cocaine you know it was a night I would never forget it was actually the the fall of 2009 it was raining and stormy day I came back from the Navy I was broken I was full of pain man I was hurting and I was looking for ways to cope with the sexual trauma I just endured and Guam and so I went out partying with some family members riding around drinking listening to music you know every doing the country and we ended up at my cousin’s boyfriend’s house right and so my cousin my cousin’s boyfriend my aunt they were all in the kitchen like smoking something off of a can and I can remember so vividly seeing the the constant flickering of a lighter and so I was already thinking that I wanted to stop being in the pain that I was in right and and so I had to audacity to ask you know what is that and my aunt replied to me she said baby this is crack cocaine and the way she introduced me to that was if I was being introduced to a person um and so my cousin’s boy so I put the cane up to my nose right because y’all I didn’t know what I was doing at that point and so my cousin’s boyfriend corrected me and put it up to my mouth and as I sucked on that can for the very first hit ever I I felt numb like all my cares went away like I was I was finally I was finally free to me but no matter how hard I chased that high after that I never got it again and I didn’t know the danger they was waiting on me while I did yeah and so I I I grew up having low self-esteem right like with my dad not being there and with like with my mom she was always working my mom always kept two jobs I mean that wasn’t a bad thing because she was taking care of us but I didn’t really have like the um emotional support right I didn’t really have that and so we ended up moving to Shreveport Louisiana I live in a very very small town population about 600 people we end up moving to Shreveport Louisiana which is a bigger city my sophomore year of high school and I got on the debate team I started running track playing basketball all that good stuff right but it was still the same thing still low self-esteem still being called ugly still being called too fat or too it don’t matter there was always something wrong with me if they wasn’t saying it I was saying it to myself in my head and so my mom got extremely sick when my my senior year of high school and at one point they told us she had about two weeks to live and that was that was devastating for me that was devastating for uh what a 16 year old at that time to hear that your mother you know the love of your life has two weeks to live and so I quit playing basketball I quit doing track because we had to go we had to be back and forth to Houston Texas every weekend sometimes even during the week they had to check me out of school so I can go to Houston Texas right so okay God is so God is so awesome God is so awesome he he got my mother our heart like really in the nick of time and I don’t not mean to sound cliche when I say that but in the nick of time my my mother got a transplant and she was my graduation present to my high school graduation because she was there and she was present and that meant the world to me amen and so yes right and so I had a scholarship for debate right I was extremely extremely good at on the debate team and so I had a scholarship for that uh to the University of Louisiana Monroe but I end up talking to this doggone recruiter and this recruiter lied to me like a million times over right that’s what recruiters do they lie something but yeah he was like hey you can travel the world um travel the world go to school all this at the same time like cool yeah let’s do it so I joined the Navy at 17 years old went to Chicago Illinois uh graduated basic training uh at 17 years old then I got orders to Guam I got to Guam and man a country girl like me living on a tropical island was the most beautiful best thing ever man I got there and I seen my ship the USS Frank Cable which is a submarine tender I got there seen my ship and it was almost the most majestic thing I’d ever seen in my life and so I was so man super excited I loved my job I love the Navy I loved everything that I did right I still love the Navy to this day regardless of what I’m about to say next and so I started making these friends uh mostly guy friends because you know I grew up with like around 17 other in my my male cousins so I was used to just you know hanging around men right and so I made these new friends we went out partying and that’s what we did when we got Liberty which is freedom on deployment we we drink we drink you know it wasn’t a really big deal back then and so went to this party one night um it’s in the barracks I went with two guys that I trusted and that was one of the first times I’d ever got extremely extremely blackout drunk right and one of the guys who were supposed to be my friend he raped me

um I remember flashes I remember flashes of what happened and I do just man I I distinctly remember him being on top of me saying man I shouldn’t be doing this but she ain’t gonna let me do it no other way I remember him saying that like I remember flashes of other things but I remember him saying that and you know God I think um well I know that God allowed me to remember that because it kind of made it a little bit easier for me because it was easier for me to learn to forgive him because of that statement later on right but at that point I was completely devastated I was I was hurt I felt betrayed I was a virgin you know when that happened so I felt like I I wanted to give myself away biblically I wanted to do it after I got married and he took that choice away from me you know and I was just hurt I was disappointed I felt betrayed I felt low I felt disgusting I felt disgusting because someone took that for me right and I didn’t tell anybody like right after it happened I waited I waited um a couple of days and I told one of my other male friends and he got extremely upset I mean he got pissed y’all he got really really mad and he wouldn’t confronted the guy immediately he took about seven of his friends when it confronted the guy right in front of the barracks and it got back to my chain command my chain command of course had to do something right they had to do something and so I had to go talk to the psychiatrist I ended up having to go talk to NCIS every day for a few months they had me wear a wire to go to this guy’s um to this guy’s area where he worked it on the ship and which is the barbershop had me wear a wire talk to him about what happened to try to get him to confess which he never did they had me call him with the white with the uh phone line tapped to try to get him to confess which he never did he said everything but that he apologized apologized apologized but never actually said that he did it and that’s what they were looking for and so the system failed me on that they failed me um he ended up we we went to trial we went to trial on that and he ended up getting away with it because there was alcohol involved I’m talking about trial for months we went to trial for months and because of that and that happens way too often in the military it’s a really really big problem and not only for women it’s for men too for men too yeah I’ve heard that I’ve heard I’ve heard quite a few stories my my good friend um has told me a story of one of her best friends who’s actually impregnated during uh during a military rape and yeah she was like you know she was actually promoted within the military in order to hush her so wow yeah there’s a there’s a big issue going on there so what do you how does that change your life what does that event do to change your life um at that point it changed my whole way of thinking it changed the way like I was already seeing myself in a negative way and it made it they like 10 times worse I didn’t even like myself before that and now it’s like all right somebody can do this to me and I’m not even protected you know that made it so much worse the drinking got worse after that the promiscuity I started being promiscuous after that the the woman who wanted to give herself away biblically lost it and now you know and that happens so so often and and it sounds weird but that’s the way sometimes our brain works you know the something’s taken from us and now we just we just don’t care we just don’t care no more right we just want to feel good we don’t want to feel how we feeling we just want to feel good and so I would go out getting drunk um I I got end up getting Meda back back to the United States um on Navy medical center Balboa now there you have every branch of the military army navy Marine Corps Air Force Coast Court every Branch they’re at the medical center because they lost limbs they lost legs they got TBR traumatic brain injury people that came back from the war was on this place that they sent me to because they was giving them a medical discharge and I trauma bonded I trauma bonded with this guy he’s still my best friend today he was gang raped by officers by officers I trauma bonded with him we started going out to clubs that were um underground clubs in San Diego to where you had to get naked or um wear lingerie to get in I mean very very promiscuous lifestyle we just he got into ecstasy at that point but I wasn’t ready for that drug thing yet just yet I was still on the Alcohol I was going out getting blackout drunk you know literally every day it went from every weekend to every day after this happened this changed my whole being it changed it turned everything inside of me upside down I didn’t even know who I was anymore I didn’t even know where I wanted to be where I wanted to go in my life after that yeah and you said it you said a a term that I want to clear up what does trauma bond mean what do you mean by trauma bonded for me in this in that situation trauma bonded mean like because of our because our traumas were so similar because we were violated we we bonded off of that trauma and we uh we went out doing the negative things together we went out and doing the negative reactions together we both just wanted to feel good we both had what military period we have like this unspoken Bond but because of what we went through we bonded off of that trauma not because of like more less because of who we were more because of what we’ve been through that’s what I mean by trauma bonding in that situation got it and so you’re you’re drinking your party and you’re going to these these different you know underground parties and stuff where does that go man I I um yeah yeah I went I finally got my medical discharge went came back to Louisiana and that’s when that night happened like literally maybe a few weeks after I got back from the Navy that night happened while I was introduced to crack cocaine and man that started a a 10 year a 10-year La a 10-year uh addiction a 10-year addiction and that’s filled with in and out of jail in and out of rehab in and out of psychiatric units right like a a failed marriage narcissistic abuse emotional abuse physical abuse not to this ain’t even to mention all the things that happened to me on the street the street in itself is a whole book like for the streets is is you know no love for nobody what do you mean by that what was your experience on the streets where you know because now now in our in our recovery you know we’re surrounded by people that we’re surrounded by love we’re giving love out and everything so right you know what was it that makes you say no love for nobody what was that experience like out there man there’s the streets you get taken advantage of especially like somebody like me um I was from the country I’m not Street I don’t know that I don’t know the game I didn’t know the rules I was just out there because I wanted to get high and you know I was out there um at one point you know dealing with prostitution because you know I would I would run out of money and hey you’re this a new girl right there let’s you know I’m saying see what she about or whatever and end up doing that um at some points I was even raped you know because I was blackout drinking on literally physically on the street or in the street in front of abandoned houses where we used to hang out at you know you know um getting high literally in the streets or on the corners or in front of these these uh liquor stores and stuff outside of liquor stores panhandling begging for money you know what I mean getting in these random cars with these random people that you don’t know getting drunk around people that you don’t know getting hot like getting stolen from my car and my money got stolen countless of times because I didn’t know the game I didn’t know the manipulation I’m thinking these people are my friends and they only friends until the money run out right because I didn’t know the difference I was gullible naive to a certain extent so I was wanting that friendship I was wanting somebody to have my back but when it came down to it these people wasn’t then people are out for for only what they can get and even the drugs they were always laced with something in the year 2020 alone I got hit in the back of the head twice in an attempt to take my life I was giving bad drugs three times in an attempt to take my life and one of those times ended put me on life support for two days well that’s what I mean when the streets have no love for nobody no love because they care about themselves and the money that they can get from you they don’t care about you as a person or your life life or death is nothing if somebody get killed right in front of them they gonna just keep drinking and getting high that’s it and do you think that if you were to let’s say you know have one drink if you were just to have like one one beer do you think that you would end up back there absolutely without a shadow of a doubt I could never have one drink never have one of Nothing Even potato chips I can’t have one of that you know I know I can’t have one beer you know what I’m saying no absolutely not yeah and that’s I will handle right back there yeah that’s my thought on it too like I you know I I didn’t have uh the same experience on the streets um I was I was homeless I was kicked out of a homeless shelter all that um and I I just have this feeling that if I was to ever take a drink or ever even if I was to smoke weed even I know that there’s people that do California sober and that’s that’s good for them that they can they can do that but for me like I just feel like if I was to put something in my body that bottom that I was at wouldn’t be my bottom anymore I feel like I would be able to find something worse right if I was a drink or use what do you do you remember any any thoughts or emotions you were having during that specific time like looking around like maybe that maybe I shouldn’t be doing this or were you trying to stop for any period of time or what was going on during that oh yeah I’ve tried to stop planning plenty of times actually most of the times when I tried to stop or when I went back out there was behind a relationship um because you know I had those daddy issues so I was dating guys older than I was significantly older like my ex-husband I was 22 when I met him he was 56 right and so all those daddy issues literally my whole life I the guys that I dated were extremely extremely older and so man I I just I had all these I had all these these these thoughts of uh you know who who was I what it what was my what is my purpose I know that I have an anointing over me I know that I have a purpose because otherwise I still wouldn’t be alive but what is that I was confused about you know what I wanted my life to be but yes I tried I went to rehab after rehab but it seems like I was learning the same thing over and over and over and over again whether it was CBT whether it was DBT healthy relationships anger management classes all of those things were you know pretty much the same to a certain extent in those different rehabs and so I would you know get I think the most I was clean over the course of 10 years was uh was one year that’s the most I’d ever got clean right because of relationships like even in my marriage I was clean five months when I met him he ended up being narcissistic and I went through that manipulation that you know those daddy issues again that manipulation that abuse emotional abuse all that gaslighting I went through all of those things again and ended up a relapsing right seven year marriage six of those years I was in active addiction so yeah there were plenty of times that that I tried and some of those feelings that were attached to that was was just being I felt belittled I felt disgusting again all those same childhood things came right back right that’s what I was that’s what I was was getting high on the childhood traumas I was getting high off that stuff y’all like for real and I felt disappointed I felt hurt I felt uh I felt like I was worthless I felt like if I can’t get this right man I’m trying everything but I can’t get this right so I felt worthless I felt like there was no point in trying to live and no point in trying to just keep going this way you know there were even some suicidal attempts in those 10 years because I felt like I just could not get this right well I keep hurting people well I keep hurting myself if I can’t just get this thing right and I I man I who all of those feelings were tied up into like and it just kept getting worse every time I would relapse it kept getting worse and worse first few times I never had a jail experience that’s out the window right I haven’t been to jail like like seven times right like two felony convictions so right every time got worse and I just lost myself I hear you kill Blues I think it’s I think it’s cool for people like us now uh in our recovery it’s like you know how you have to put in a resume for uh for a job like I’ve done this and I’ve done this and I’ve done this right you’re a recovery speaker I have this felony I’ve been to jail right I’ve lived this life right qualified amen it’s like you have two things I wanna I wanna ask you okay during this during this time because you’re a veteran right yes during this time of active Addiction in these and these traumas coming up and and you know needing support needing treatment and everything where was the VA in all of this were they the ones that were supporting you with going to treatment with getting help and stuff or where were they at yeah they were the ones supporting me um yeah because I’m 100 service connected and so I would go to the VA pretty much for everything there were a few times I went to like civilian places for like maybe 30 days at one point even 15 days stuff like that yeah going to the VA um I’ve had extremely bad experiences at the VA I’ve always felt belittled at the VA I’ve always felt neglected I’ve always felt judged um I honestly believe that most of them just look at us as a whole bunch of you know a whole bunch of worthless addicts and alcoholics right to to where you know we can’t even let’s say like we get our our leg cut off they gonna give us ibuprofen right something and I’m serious about that because that I mean that’s that’s literally what they do and so yeah I’ve had those experiences going into VA they get me into a place one of the other va’s across the country I’ve been to the one in Arkansas in Florida in Little Rock in Temple Texas in Biloxi I’ve been to all of those different rehabs you know um but yeah I’ve I’ve always felt um I just don’t trust the VA I really don’t I don’t think they have our best interest so I think there’s too much red tape for them to have our best interests at heart there’s too many other people they have to serve as far as chain of command for us to even care about the veterans yeah truly believe that that was kind of that was kind of my question because um I have I’ve you know talked to and helped a lot of different veterans struggling with addiction and alcoholism and I think that there has to be some kind of Reform specifically for military veterans struggling with addiction and alcoholism like how are we going to help them I know that the VA has done well for some people but the overwhelming amount like the overwhelming majority of people that I’ve talked to um have struggled with finding help through the VA or you know the the counseling and things like that it’s it’s so backlogged it’s so far back that you know by the time that it’s their turn to get in they’re already like I’m way too drunk to go in right now you know I can’t go in right now and you know I think there needs to be some reform with that and then another thing I wanted to ask um because it’s a Hot Topic right this is a this is a a hot word what did it mean to be in a narcissistic relationship with your with your husband what it what would the the warning signs of it what were the things that were actually happening how did it show up why do you say that it was a narcissistic relationship well in the beginning it was you know the gaslighting little things like all right he would say something to me right and I clearly heard what he said and I’d be like what did you say he was like man you hearing stuff you know and then called me crazy right and so I would believe I was crazy because he convinced me that I was crazy he would manipulate me he would lie to me he would cheat on me you know at one point I uh I saw the signs I saw the red flags I saw that you know he was lying I saw that you know he wasn’t being being truthful about who he was and what he wanted I even saw you know warnings about him only wanting money or him only using me for money like I said I was 100 service connected and so I ignored those songs because of what I wanted because I wanted love and I took it any way that I could get it right and so um yeah being manipulated being lied to being cheated on being clearly called crazy being physically abused being emotionally abused called stupid why am I here if I care if I had a dollar for every time I was called crazy in that relationship you know and I started to believe that I was crazy you know even coming to find out that you know he was bisexual at the end like it just you know you should have gave me a choice you should have gave me a choice finding out all of those things you know and being with a narcissist is one of the it’ll teach you about you it’ll make you it’ll make you find your worth because if you don’t you’re gonna keep finding those narcissists they gonna keep finding you because you’re prey and they’re Predators right it makes you want to love yourself and wants you to do the work to find to love yourself yeah and someone uh Kelly said that she dealt with this with her dad and still using I believe it had it’s caused a haven’t dealt with it yet so we’re about to take a quick 30 second break in the second half of the show we’re going to be talking about how Kimberly found recovery and how she’s healed from these same things be right back guys what’s up for covered on purpose family I hope you’re enjoying this episode as much as I do when I’m making them guys if you’re getting any value from this if you’re seeing any golden nuggets that you want to share with your community make sure that you are you’re sharing it with your groups you’re sharing it with your personal page or your pages order that one person that you’re thinking of right now on their messenger so that they get this message and guys the brand new recovered on purpose website is up and it has a whole bunch of different merchandise and resources and the free calls with me so make sure you’re checking out recovered on purpose.com after the show and if you are a loved one of an addict if you have a kid that’s suffering an addiction I’m now doing free calls so we can strategize and find out how we can get them clean and keep them clean love you guys so much and enjoy the rest of the show all right amen so we’ve gone over we’ve covered a lot and obviously you and I both know that there’s there’s even more there’s a lot more that we experience in our addiction you know the different traumas the different you know ways that we tried to stop and everything but obviously that’s why we share our stories as much as possible because we’re able to share all of those experiences over the course of time but the the best thing that we’re about to bring today is going to be the healing and the recovery aspect of getting over all of that stuff yes moving past all that stuff so yeah what was the what was the last week of your addiction like and how did you start to find recovery but the last week of my addiction was December of 2020. I’d uh all those things that happened as far as you know being hit in the back of the head I’ve been on life support um been given bad drugs um I actually wrecked my truck my truck flipped seven times right and I came out without a scratch in 2020. so I was still out there I was living in a hotel at this point um I was just I was tired because I just left like having my own my own truck of course my own apartment a really really nice apartment fully I mean just had all of these material things but I also had peace right but I had that piece because I was in treatment court and for me treatment Court was the structure I needed it was the only thing keeping me together right because I didn’t have that foundation on my own um and I didn’t know this till later I didn’t have the foundation right and I do need to take this time to say this Adam but if you’re in drug court right now please make sure that you have a foundation of your own not just your court because life is going to hit you when drug court is over and I want to see you guys healed I wanted to see you guys stay sober but yes man so that last week of December I went home I got sober for a few days went home so I can spend Christmas with my kids and seeing the foot look on their face whenever I left they didn’t know what I was coming back I didn’t even know when I was coming back right and so I I I’ve been praying at this point like I’ve been praying like God I don’t have a desire to stop but can you give me your desire can you give me a desire to have a desire yeah man and and as I was praying as I started praying over myself and over my life you know even praying for protection because out there it’s dangerous right it’s so dangerous you know and I’m praying for protection praying for Provisions I started getting less and less and less you know hooked on their lifestyle because the lifestyle just as addictive as an addiction and so I started having desire lesson lesson lesson less until I just called my sister um a little December 31st around New Year called her and told her look I’m tired I’m ready to stop but I need to detox somewhere away from my kids um and then I want to go home and then you know and so that’s what we did I went to my cousin’s house detoxing on her couch for like four or five days because I was real real bad on alcohol and I’d had seizures before I probably should have did in the hospital but thank God nothing happened when in detox at my cousins my cousin’s couch I went home stay clean those 30 days waited those 30 days until the VA got me in somewhere which was Opelousas Louisiana Heroes program at the heroes program it was very different from every other place I’ve been man they focused on us we did like a whole breakdown of you know the big book like not even in a a way but it’s just a recovery way you know what I’m saying it wasn’t about the rooms it was about recovery and us and so we focused on us I focused on me and not only that I was introduced to EMDR therapy and I did MDR therapy and that was miraculous it changed I don’t know the science of this yet y’all not by definition but I will soon but basically it rewires your brain it rewires your brain to where you don’t think of the trauma as it’s like the super super hurtful thing you think of it as it happened but I survived it right it rewires your brains to automatic your brains automatically do that and it was the missing piece for me EMDR therapy was a missing p i in Pro therapy I am like literally therapy has changed everything for me yeah so I started doing therapy I kept it up after I got back home after after uh rehab um I didn’t have a meeting down here where I live in Castor and so I created one I created one in my uncle’s church I just you know what I’m saying I put the word out started doing Flyers got on social media I created one so you know it only a few people that that was going so I just we just read out of the people you know and that kept me sober they kept me sober you know even if you do it online it will keep you sober so I created when I didn’t have a car so I had to do something that was local right so I did that um I was still doing my EMDR therapy I was saving you know to give me a vehicle finally got me a vehicle last November amen and I was Off to the Races after that I was Off to the Races I started finding everything I could get into man to give back right to help people I started like doing like community service right I started going um helping at like the um not the American Legion but uh it’s like a veteran organization I started helping with that and I started helping with Mission 22. like I’d already been helping them since 2018 but that relapse got me out of it so I got back into it and now I’m the state leader for Mission 22 y’all like in the mission 22 is a National Organization right we raised awareness for the 22 veterans actually coming to suicide every day and so I got into that and I kept up with my EMDR therapy with my uh I started doing boxing and Jiu Jitsu right and I I started I can’t stayed in my word of God those three things those three pillars as you told me as you called them those three pillars that help that creates a foundation I promise for anybody’s recovery is your you got to take care of your mental health your physical health and your spiritual health right the mental health for me was the EMD art therapy it’s the EMDR therapy and also I also take a mood stabilizers you know some people like it some people don’t but I’m one of them that do I take new stabilizers Wellbutrin yeah and so my spiritual health I stayed in my word I’m active in church I don’t just go to church I’m active in church right but you can start anywhere my physical health I box and I do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu all of those things work together as a foundation that no matter what even if another pandemic starts I can do those things on my own right because that’s another thing in 22 when he went on relapsed after being clean since 2018 all of those things shut down and I didn’t know what to do with myself I was lost so I had to find something that I could do still on my own even if the worst happened and those three things my physical health my mental health and my spiritual health right and so man God gave me the title of my book when I was a teenager like when I was 13 years old I didn’t know the content of my book but I knew that I would be an author I knew that I would write a book right now I’m like but yeah and so um yeah I wrote my book and it got opened the door God opened so many resources after that book that book was a Lifeline man that book opened up so many doors and I encourage all of you to write your story down all of you are authors just do it that’s the difference between it just do it write it down right write it down we can find somebody to edit and format it and stuff publish my book God pushed me in the ray of motivational speaking started doing motivational speaking now I’m learning how to hone that trying to hone my craft I’m learning as much as I can to you know uh like I’ve learned to to structure my story through recovery speakers right because man Jesus finding a mentor is the most one of the most important things because you don’t know everything you don’t know everything even your Mentor don’t know everything that’s why they got a mentor but it passes down but we need somebody in our life to show us the way right to show us the way amen I love that so much and uh I know at least one person has already bought your book while they’re watching this I’m super excited about it and Crystal uh you know Crystal from Crystal actually uh she’s publishing her book on October 2nd yes I saw it I saw it I’m so happy for you sis say you love say you love coming out I saw it I’m so excited yeah and that’s that’s what’s beautiful about about getting around this community the community of people that are you know you you said you set a a phrase earlier you know I wasn’t just uh going to church I was active in church and that’s the difference between the people that are you know in the recovery Community like going out there and getting people and helping people and if there’s not a meeting in their Town they’re going to build a meeting I don’t care I am recovering I’m going to be recovered you know and the way that we do that is we help other people and I love that that’s just like that’s what you’re all about I remember our first conversation that was what you were about I was excited to work with you you know you you have been doing it you’ve been doing this thing you know sending me the videos you’ve been you know making the corrections where where they need to be corrected and you’re the first person in the course to be ready to come on this show and obviously everybody watching this right now is well aware that you are ready to be on this show because you’ve been killing it so yeah what do you think what do you think the difference for you for someone out there that might be in early recovery or about to start the recovery Journey what is the difference for you between um going to let’s say church or meetings and being active in your recovery how would you how would you differentiate between the two and what are some you know some tips or tricks you would give them to be active in well first just be patient with yourself right because your early in recovery so you have to take you have to use that time to to learn yourself but to be if you want to be active in something in early recovery you know make that a meeting even if it’s just online the online meetings are just as powerful if not more powerful right so find that meeting or find that group whatever that group could be and don’t even you know it can be recovery related and it all can be recovery lady you can find something that you’re interested in find a group find a mentor or a sponsor whatever you want to call it find those things horn on it man grab it for life and utilize it don’t just get it call it every week and be like just a repetitious thing utilize it get everything you can out of the people that are putting your life out of the people that were sent to help you right utilize all of those things all of those things amen and you were you were like really early on when you started that meeting when did you start your own meeting at your at your uncle’s Church how far along in your journey maybe about four four months four months playing okay so four months clean and you’re starting your own meeting and why did you start that meeting because there wasn’t one I didn’t have a car to get to one I live in Castro Louisiana which is an hour away from the city actually the canary city is 30 minutes but still that’s too far away from somebody who ain’t got no vehicle and then people want to charge you forty fifty dollars to take you somewhere so I just started one I ordered a book and I started one I’m like I’ve been to enough to know how it goes and then you can call AAA central office or na or CA whatever you want to do you can call that office tell them you want to start a meeting and they’ll send you the paperwork that you need to to you know the introduction and all that stuff they’ll send you that if you’re honest with them and tell them hey look I’m just starting out but I want to do this they’ll send it to you yeah just open yourself up to be helped amen and to be of service to others because right you were opening that meeting and then people started showing up you know there could be a whole a whole bunch of people in a community that would love to have a meeting but you know they just need the one to step in and be the active one be the one that’s like all right well let’s have this meeting these are the steps we need to take this is what we’re going to do so I wanted to stop on this question right here and let you answer this so Carolyn’s asking how do I find a mentor what would be your recommendations your suggestions your steps for her to take well if you if you go into meetings and things like that locally go wait and listen listen to people right don’t just go off the first time you hear them speak go a few two or three times listen to them speak talk to them get to know them and pray about that pray about if that’s you know the person that you’re supposed to uh that you’re supposed to to to learn from right or they or you can go to like Facebook groups and stuff right go to Facebook groups pay attention to who’s posting and what they’re posting reach out to them DM them message them just start a conversation with people that you find interesting or that you can relate to or that can relate to your story don’t feel bad about reaching out to somebody because it’s gonna help you and it’s also going to help them because them being of service is going to help them too so definitely reach out to people that you see as you know you can relate to or you can find some kind of relation in their story reach out to them man absolutely I hope that helps you yeah and what I found with finding a mentor because obviously I’m in recovery right and I have people in recovery with significant time with the type of recovery I want to have that Mentor me that I talked to about recovery related stuff and things like that but then I also have mentors over here that have never struggled with addiction that have never struggled with alcoholism that I learned from them a different a different thing specifically like I have one Mentor that you know while I was on a call with him one time uh just as friends his kids came up and for lack of a better term they interrupted him on his call and the way that he responded to them and talked to them in that interaction from love from you know getting them getting their needs met quickly and letting them know hey I’m on a call the way that he responded to them I had never seen a parent parent like that so I was like all right I want this guy I want to learn from this guy um whatever it is that has him acting like that to his kids right it’s not what it’s not always what somebody says it’s not always like like this person talks really really well so I want to learn from them yeah I want to be around people enough in their in their actual element to find out if they have the fruit that they’re speaking about so yes I remember one time uh I was in my active addiction and I was I think I was in South Carolina at the time and this guy had like 22 years of sobriety and he talked really well in meetings had this really powerful recovery message and I was like dang I want that guy sponsor me and I was talking to him he’s like well let’s let’s go out for lunch you know and him me and one other guy went out to lunch and we’re talking and everything and then when the wages comes up the way that he treated the waitress made me just sit back like this like oh my gosh I don’t want anything to do with treating people like that yeah that’s horrible you know I’m not going to ask them and then when you’re if you have a specific need Carolyn if you have a specific need in your life like do you need to get closer to God do you need to learn how to be of service to people more do you want to learn how to tell your story do you want to learn about business pick an area pick an area that you really want to improve in your life and then pray God show me show me who can help me do this God put a mentor in my life that can help me do this and the beautiful thing is that when you find someone to look up to in a specific area all the other areas in their life are usually going really well also that you learn from yeah right if you if you get a business Mentor a business Mentor that’s doing really well in business and everything you have to have a connected faith and someone that’s really successful in business that’s a Believer has a really strong connection with God almost 100 of the time so yeah and that’s the kind of questions that you’re going to ask them and then when you’re looking for the mentor when you reach out to them in messenger um start with like you know hey I really I really appreciate you know this about you and say it compliment them you know and just start the conversation like that ask a question and start asking questions that they can answer you know uh don’t do it like too much maybe once or twice a week just reach out to them and then at some point you can say hey this is what’s going on in my life and I really want to get here I really want to do this with my life how would you feel about you know talking to me once a week and helping me get there you know super simple just ask the question see what happens yeah a lot of people a lot of people out there are looking for someone to mentor and the cool thing is is that not very many people ask right right people reach out and ask that’s true Kimberly was definitely inspiring for me to get mine done as well I’m right behind her 214-21 we do recover amen awesome yes Crystal yeah we do recover Jessica coming in Adam you you are who got me started in using recovery groups or following people in recovery thank you Amy love you so much it’s amazing to hear that’s why we do what we do Kimberly is starting to get her story out she actually tell us about the uh the speaking gig that you got oh man like within the first 30 days of doing recovery speakers I got a speaking geek right and so I’ve been getting speaking gigs back to back to back like and um it’s so important for us to continue like to tell our story repeatedly repeatedly because once we when we start telling it we get better at it right we get better at it and we start to like to own it and then that confidence comes just speaking in front of people or even you know even speaking in front of cameras like this like that can sometimes be intimidating so the more we do it the better we get at it and so man yeah so I’ve been just just just serving God man been just telling telling my story telling my story the way I’ve been taught to tell it right in recovery speakers and so yeah I’m just just putting it out I’ve been getting I’ve been getting gigs I’ve been getting uh you know offers for me to be a vendor to sell my book at different events stuff like that yeah God has been open up really a lot of doors how’d the speaker have you already gone to that to that women’s Treatment Center that we were talking about yes yes I went there man that went excellent that went excellent like the spirit just flowed it just it just flowed it went excellent I went to Monroe Louisiana which is like this big recovery ministry right I went there told my story that when the spirit just flowed because I always pray before I go speak and I just telling the more I tell it the easier it gets I went to Tallulah women’s prison which is the Louisiana Women’s Penitentiary I went there last week and spoke to those ladies and man I’m telling you the spirit just floating up this these women in there they’re crying they’re you know they’re relating to what we’re saying and it was so amazing to be able to relate to those ladies and to give them hope they give them hope man yeah and you know you you talk about the trauma you endured the you know the different um you know almost self-deprecating mindset that you had about yourself the worthlessness the valuelessness and that kind of stuff how has how has that healed now and what are you doing to heal that or you know is it something that you struggle with what’s going on with that and how can people heal from that because a lot of us deal with that you know right right so the EMDR therapy helps that um it helps with literally every trauma and so like the low self-esteem and stuff like that was coming from those traumas and coming from my own thoughts about myself and so I had to change those thoughts and by changing those thoughts you have to affirm something different what we speak out of our mouth becomes our reality and so once you start affirming that I am beautiful I am fearfully and wonderfully made that I will be successful I will be an entrepreneur that I will stay sober I will sustain sobriety it will start happening in your life it may sound cliche to say those affirmations but that really does work EMDR therapy saying affirmations and doing um do doing uh service work doing service work those things help me as a person and not only that journaling journaling and writing down those thoughts and those feelings that’s been helping me so far amen amen I love that and how do you what do you get when you when you’re serving like what do you how do you feel like when you went to speak at that at that women’s Treatment Center or that women’s prison how does it actually make you feel to be the person that was you know out on the streets smoking crack doing what you were doing to standing in front of a bunch of women in a prison and spreading a message of Hope how does that how does that feel it felt fulfilling because a few of those women I knew from the street you know they were out there and you know some of them had years left some of them was getting out by the end of this year it felt fulfilling I felt man I felt like I I it was a release for me you know and to see somebody see and to see somebody uh not to see somebody but for them to see me in a healthy way and in the state that I’m in was like man it was just fulfilled it was just fulfilling it was just fulfilling all together it felt it felt good yeah I remember the first time I you know when I was living in Colorado I would go back to where I used to and I don’t recommend this to everybody unless you’re ready for this kind of thing but at least once a year but usually twice a year I would go back to the streets where I used to pick up dope and the first time I did when I walked down there I was I was walking up you know there’s gangs over here gang over here getting over here because I all have specific Corners that they’re allowed to work at yeah and I was walking up to the one that I used to you know go to and my old dealer is like sitting there and he’s like making up a a bag of dope or something yeah and he he sees out of his peripheral me walking up and he looks over like this and he sets it down and he stands up he’s like look at you bro he like looks me up and down yeah I was like yeah right right I’ve got just over two years playing sober he was like he’s like Pat me on the back he’s like I didn’t think people like you made it out yeah I think people like you got clean I was like we do bro we do and uh that kind of that kind of fulfillment that you’re talking about right because us that have really experienced addiction when we have really experienced a thing where we are completely broken completely lost our our mindset is all over the place where we just we have no idea what love is at that point we don’t even understand it at that point right right we don’t fulfilled free confident feeling like we’re of service feeling like we’re of value to the world it’s like you know there’s no there’s there’s just like you’re saying there’s no way to even explain it really because it’s so different than how we used to live right yeah amen so tell everybody tell everybody about your book

um it’s about it’s a memoir it’s a memoir about my life and uh all the things that happen all the things that uh that happened from childhood to you know to basically right now all the things that I was delivered from all the traumas what I did to heal what I did to break through like what I did to start learning to love myself the book is filled with not only all the things that hurt me all the things that I went through other things that could have possibly destroyed destroyed me but didn’t have authority to but hope but Redemption right but sacrifice but fulfillment that’s what it’s filled with yeah is how did you how was the experience of writing your book and Publishing your book How long did it take how did it make you feel working on it how did it make you feel when it actually got out well my I wrote I took the whole year of 2020 to 2021 to write it um but that’s only because you know it was as long as it was and I outlined it first and then I started writing from that outline and so it felt amazing writing it some parts you know brought back some some feelings some disturbing feelings so I would be mindful of that whenever you are writing a story of a memoir but um it brings back some feelings so make sure you have support around you when you are writing your story make sure you have some support somebody you can call on a Case those feeling to get two rubbed yeah but yeah yeah yeah it was definitely fulfilling I had that exact same experience and everybody that I have coached in writing books and things um same thing and before we start we actually make a top five list and that’s in the course too you had to make one before before you started in the second module with you know the support system name and phone number because while we’re going through this process if something comes up maybe you haven’t dealt with you gotta have something around you gotta have those people around you ready to ready to hear that story out here those emotions out but it’s yeah how does it feel when one of those stories gets out of you maybe even for the first time you know oh wow even though it was even though it was traumatic but when it comes out of you for the first time what happens that’s us facing it when it comes out and we can be honest about it and accept that it happened that’s us facing it and once we face it we take our power back we release that power that it had and take our power back so it’s releasing it’s fulfilling man it it um it doesn’t always feel good in the beginning but if you wait if you be patient with yourself it is fulfilling it is fulfilling and it’s a whole release just getting that out that’s you facing it accepting that it happened but also accepting that you survived it amen but you survived it yes I love it and people have just been like hopping in the comments all over the place loving on youth ain’t how amazing you are um love your story love your inspiration uh love what you’re doing everything so um for this process that’s why I had stopped writing before in the past I got to parts that were too difficult to write yeah and I remember the process of writing mine I did mine really quick though that’s just kind of how I do things um I just you know if I’m gonna do it I’m gonna do it as fast as possible as hard as possible but in that time I remember literally three different times specifically that I had to get away from the computer drop down on my knees and cry a little bit or a lot of it in certain instances yeah and get past that you know get past that actually happening because I’m sitting here and I’m like going through the details of how it felt and what actually happened and everything like that so Kimberly you are absolutely amazing I’m super super honored um to have met you to be able to go through this process with you to watch you grow to watch you flourish and uh just want to congratulate you because thank you brother my step to becoming a 100 certified recovered on purpose recovery speaker and uh super proud of you and can’t wait to see what we do in the future and you’re gonna you’re gonna impact so many lives guys drop some love in the comments um if you enjoyed this episode I know that all you were because you were dropping in the comments a lot make sure you’re sharing this out so that you know this message of hope is getting out this message of redemption this message of healing is getting out the people that need it guys we love you so much Kimberly stay in the uh stay in the studio but uh guys enjoy the rest of your weekend we love you thank Kimberly Kimberly thank you so much for coming on and uh keep living

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